Fifty Shades of Grey

I was supposed to watch this flick with a friend at a late night show. But the reviews were very off putting. I did not want to spend money and time watching a flick which glorifies rape. 
After checking everyday I found a decent torrent in English today. In fact, I even managed to unlock a badge on the torrent site since I have visited so frequently last few days.

I deliberately did not read the book. The last book where the sex made me sick was written by Shobha De. Her books give me a yuck feeling and yet I read them. They make me feel so sick afterwards that am glad she has stopped releasing books. I didn't want to read a book which makes me feel sick about sex. And according to many reviews that's what the books are about. 

The movie stars Dakota Johnson as Anastasia and Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey. It is directed by Sam Taylor-Johnson. 

The story in brief:
Anastasia meets multi millionaire Grey to interview him. He is interested in her and starts wooing her by giving her expensive gifts like first edition books, laptop and a CAR. Yes, ladies. A car. Not for free of course. He has lofty expectations. 
He wants her to sign a contract to get into a sexual relationship with him which involves controlled bondage. He will be the dominator while she will be the submissive one. He also has weird rules - he does not date, does not sleep in the same bed with a woman, does not let the woman touch him. Yeah. THAT weird. 
Despite all this, Ana agrees to the bondage. She wants a romantic relationship with him but everytime she raises doubts or tries to move away he either showers her with an expensive gift or has sex with her. 
I mean, how can a woman refuse either of these. Right? 
Finally, after a lot of going round in circles like a Mills and Boon novel they have bondage sex and it's... not exciting or enlightening or anything. 

It's more like - 
'Is this what the whole deal is about'?
 'Isn't bondage supposed to be much more than this?'
'Oh well, can you guys hurry so I can sleep?'

The next time they have bondage Grey goes a little too far and hurts Ana. That's when she decides to break off with him and leaves. Oh wait, she breaks off and leaves because she falls in love with him while he is emotionally a polar bear. Wait, polar bears are cute. He is emotionally a reptile. 

No offence to my new twitter friends - the Saap Association. 

These are my issues with the movie:

- The actors. Wooden and ugly. Cmon. How difficult is it to find 2 good looking actors who can fake the chemistry? How can a movie on sex and bondage not have any chemistry? WTF!!! Thank god I didn't pay money to watch this. It's like watching porn and atleast those guys have great assets and expose everything. I find porn unexciting. 
I mean, they could just have had Ian Somerlhalder as Grey. 

*I admit it. I watch Vampire Diaries only for Ian. I don't care if the story is going nowhere as long as there is atleast 1 sex scene between Ian and Nina*

- There is a scene where Ana breaks off with Grey. What does he do? Barges into her house, ties her hands and proceeds to have anal sex with her. Ewww!!! Guys please do not try this. Never. Only people who've not had anal sex will like it. Eww!!!

- This is a soft porn movie. Period. Nothing more. Nothing less. And the director is insulting our intelligence by calling any of it 'love'. Can we please not demean 'love'? Please.

- I understand a book on this topic. Books have limited reach. But when a movie is made on the topic, the responsibility is greater. The director needs to treat the subject in the appropriate manner. Do we really want girls and boys of 18 years thinking bondage sex is cool? I am not saying you cannot enjoy this kind of sex. Of course, you can. But both partners need to know how far they can go and when to stop. 

- I wish they would have focussed on the sex part of it and left out the whole love thingy because it does not fit in. The movie is all over the place and am not sure what it is about. 

Those planning to watch it in the theatre, please be sure who are going along with. Conversation can get uncomfortable if you watch it with someone you don't know very, very well. And don't take your wife along if she is not cool with this stuff. She may think you have masochistic tendencies. 

1 star for turning me on.... a little. 


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