Bajrangi Bhaijaan

As a rule I don't watch movies of below:

  • Salman Khan
  • Shahrukh Khan
  • Aamir Khan
  • Sajid Khan
  • Ajay Devgan
  • Rohit Shetty
  • Farah Khan
  • Rajkumar Hirani
  • Newcomers like Tiger Shroff, Harman Baweja
  • Karan Johar 
That is a whole lot of bullshit out of my life. But KC has a very high tolerance level and wanted to watch BB. I relented on one condition- I get to tweet while watching it.
Below review is for those who are not connected to me on twitter or facebook.
The tweets are in bold followed by my vishesh tipani (smart comments)

One good reason to avoid Salman movies in the theatre- the super crappy crowd around and lots and pots of kids. Ugh!!!
*The crowd was terrible. I am not going to watch a Salman movie in the theatre again*

Shahida- the most unoriginal name. It is pretty obvious the parents did not want a girl child.
*This is what happens in the scene. The lady is pregnant and has decided to name her boy 'Shahid' but she has a girl instead. So she names her 'Shahida'*

Are Pakistani women in villages allowed to wear lipstick? Quite sure that is frowned upon - to put it mildly
 *It is not like the lipstick enhanced her looks. It could have easily been skipped*

The kid and her mother travel to Delhi for offering prayers instead of going to AIIMS for treatment *stifles laughter*
*Throughout the movie whenever any character gets stuck, they head to a mosque or temple. The stupidest thing I have heard*

A movie about bad parenting
*The mother is travelling from India back to Pakistan. The train stops on the way, she is asleep, her dumb daughter gets off the train and is left behind in India. There is no security at all. Seriously? Like, who came up with this shit? Thoda toh logic daal dete*

Why is Salman speaking Hindi with an accent?

Salman's name is Prem. Umm... Full marks for originality. Superb.
*This is a mistake. His name is Pawan, not Prem. If only Salman could speak in non-accented Hindi*

#BajrangiBhaijaan inspired from #gameofthrones. Salman just called Kareena "behenji". #incestisin
*Din ko bhaiya, raat ko saiya?*

Kareena - the current Sonakshi of Bollywood. At least she looks good.
*What is wrong with this lady? She is one of the few who can act. Why is she starring in these terrible movies?*

Normal kids-Tell their parents they are in love with someone privately 
Bollywood-Blurt it in front of ladkewale
*Instead of telling her parents in private about how she loves Salman, Kareena waits for the ladkewale to come home and then blurts it in front of them*

Mumbaikers' idea of Delhi - when there is some monument in the background
*Every scene in Delhi has a monument. Because we all roam around with monuments behind our heads*

Suspense of the movie- a song worse than Selfie le le called "bhookh lagi" 
*If you thought selfie le le re was bad, you HAVE to see this one*

I hope Salman and Kareena got paid a shitload of money for this shit #ilovemyjob #atlesstidonthavetodancetobhookhlagi
*Feeling so good about going to work tomorrow because I don't have to dance to shit like "bhookh lagi"*
Contest. How many times is red fort shown in the movie?
*Way too many times*

Contest. How many monuments have been shown in the movie?
*Red Fort, Humayun's tomb, Jama Masjid and others*

Salman should take acting lessons from the 6 year old little girl
*I think they made the girl dumb so she does not steal Salman's thunder in the scenes*

Salman, oops Prem, leaves the girl with a random travel agent. He, obviously, hasn't heard of child trafficking.
*Yeah, he is THAT stupid in the flick*

motion=when audience should feel the strong emotions because the terrible
actors cannot emote
*Everytime there is intense drama or emotion, it becomes slow motion. As annoying as Ram Gopal Varma's weird camera angles*

Is it even a Salman movie if he hasn't yet taken off his shirt?

*He does not take off his clothes in this one. Maybe because he hadn't shaved his chest*

May I remind the director that Pakistan is a huge country
and not a tiny village?

*Here is the plot of the movie- Salman travels to Pakistan to take the dumb girl back home. But he does not know the address because she cannot talk or read or write. He does not even know which village/town/city she lives in. Has Kabir Khan even been to Pakistan? Has he even looked at the country's map?*

Normal film industry hero- Super smart 
Bollywood film hero- Stupidest person on this planet

I can feel myself becoming stupider with every passing minute. 
Utha le bhagwan, utha le re mujhe

How to get to Pakistan? Just ask the BSF to let you go
*Salman enters and leavesPakistan just like a regular terrorist- by asking for permission from the Pakistani security forces*

With reference to last tweet- guess that is how terrorists cross over?

Nawazuddin ki entry *whistles* 

2 people who can act- the girl and Nawaz? 

Wow. Full paisa


*Nawazuddin's first scene has been taken from a real life event whose video had gone viral on youtube. Check it out if you haven't*
Dare I ask a logical question? How is Salman managing in Pakistan with indian currency?
Moral of the movie - Pakistanis are stupider than Indians

Khan has made Om Puri super annoying and ham

*WTF is Om Puri doing in this trashy movie? Hope he got paid well for hamming*
= Religion is stupid

#BajrangiBhaijaan = Pray for every damn thing

cops are stupider than UP cops

*That is not a compliment. The Pakistani cops in the movie could not find a group which has a super dark guy who would stand out among the tall and fair Pakistanis, a small child who cannot speak and a bulky, short guy. Atleast UP cops are good at tracing cows*

Pretty sure Kabir Khan made up the plot while directing each scene
*There isn't one scene with an ounce of logic or realism*

Salman can be the stupidest person on this planet and yet get in and out of
Pakistan like it's child's play

*The Khans should not be allowed to make or star in any movie*

And the dumb girl speaks in the end. I just won 500 bucks in a bet for predicting that
*Incase you weren't mind fucked by then, watch the end. KC still owes me 500 bucks. There is no way a Sindhi is going to let go of the money*

There were people laughing in the movie...over- I don't know what. Terrible, terrible flick. Waste of 3 hours of my life.
Never ever watching a Salman movie again.
1 star for Nawazuddin and the little girl - Harshaali Malhotra.


mohsincinema said...

many points are very true but emotions INDIANS ko kamzor kar deta hai and this is were bb wins.

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